I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
