I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
