eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
