mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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