She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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