she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
