I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
