my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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