The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
