That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
