i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
