Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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