I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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