I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
