Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
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he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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