Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
