Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
