the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
