oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
