Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
