Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
