I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize