so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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