It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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