Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am midnight drunk by noon
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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