so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
