How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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