I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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