Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
