So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
