found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
