so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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