I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize