that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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