carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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