and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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