The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
