I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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