hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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