Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
