I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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