3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize