so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
