she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
