Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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