I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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