The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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