Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
