I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
