I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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