my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
