Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
