i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
