i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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