Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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