I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
