All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
