A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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