you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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