pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
