his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize