I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
