cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
