I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
