I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
