I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
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I understand Curling. That high.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
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Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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