i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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